One Day at a Time

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gooliagirl has shared a video with you on YouTube: Come to Jesus "Yea, come unto Christ, and be perfected in him, and deny yourselves of all ungodliness; and if ye shall deny yourselves of all ungodliness, and love God with all your might, mind and strength, then is his grace sufficient for you, that by his grace ye may be perfect in Christ; and if by the grace of God ye are perfect in Christ, ye can in nowise deny the power of God." -Book of Mormon, Moroni 10:32
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When I got laid off from my job in the spring I started thinking about what I really want to do with life as far as a career goes.  I have done alot of things and I have many skills, but there is not just one thing that I love or excel at that I can do as a career.  Part of the reason for that is that I never finished school.  I was 18 credits from my BA and I quit going.
In my self-evaluating stage this spring I realized that finishing would be the wisest thing I could do right now.  So I enrolled and started classes this fall, on-line through the university.  It has been so long I feel lost sometimes to how the whole process works, but for the most part everyone has been very helpful and supportive.  My classes are going surprisingly well.  It is amazing to me that I am more capable now of managing good grades and having a full time job than I ever was in the past.  I think a lot of it is simply from staying on task and not getting behind.  For some reason that was always difficult for me when I was younger. 
I think it will take me two more semesters to finish, and then I have some choices to make.  :) 

How does anyone have time to blog?  I just spent like 3 hours setting up this silly template and I still have not figured out how to customize it.  I am a smart person.  This should not be so difficult...yet, perhaps I am just missing something. 
Oh well.  This is the best I can do for today.  :) 

Last March I got laid off from my job.  At the time, I cried.  I'm sure many people would have in that situation.  It was a bitter-sweet cry for me because it was a shock, and I had just lost my job, but on the other hand, Dr. Paulos was so mean, tactless, and emotionally abusive, it was a huge relief to get out of that situation. 
As I looked for a job I got caught up doing part time work here and there, teaching Spanish, cashiering for a photography company and doing finances at Dr. Silcox's office, until my schedule was out of control, but still not sufficient for income.  One by one all but working at Dr. S's office fizzled away and I had to start looking again for work.   I was confident I would find a job because I always get such a good response when I send out my resumé.  I got calls the day after I sent it, and even the same day from some jobs.  I was interviewing at 3-4 places each couple of days and every office was asking me to come back for working interviews.  I was SURE to get a job!...or so I thought.  It was a rude awakening when I didn't get called back or when I would get emails thanking me for applying and informing me that they had hired someone else.  With each one I felt more and more rejected and nervous.  With my hours at Dr. Silcox office cut back to only 8 days a month, I felt the squeeze tighter and tighter by the minute.  I think I started to get pretty depressed and stressed out about it.  I was ready to go apply at Walmart and anywhere else I could, just to secure a steady income.  I found myself looking at job listings almost obsessively and I hopelessly applied to jobs as soon as I spotted them.  I felt sad that I was applying for positions that I didn't think I would even want.  Then I saw and applied immediately to a job for an orthodontic assistant.  I tried not to get my hopes up, but I prayed over and over that it would be the one.  My first interview went well.  It was brief.  I was even a bit more interested in the job after the interview, but still tried not to get my hopes up; especially when I didn't hear back from them for 4 or 5 days.  Then I got a call last Monday and they wanted me to come in for a working interview.  I went on Thursday (yesterday) for a few hours and was more and more interested, but still trying not to get too excited.  I really didn't know if I could handle another let down.  With each one I started feeling more and more like they were personal rejections and not just business decisions.  Which is silly, I know.  After the interview, Dr. Omana invited me to go with them all out to lunch.  I was surprised, and wanted to think that it meant I was in, but I have had that happen once before and I didn't get the job.  I kept that in mind this time.  I tried to be sure I didn't talk with my mouth full or chew with my mouth open and I paid close attention to whether I had food in my teeth.  I thought if I don't get this job, I don't want it to be because I was too messy of an eater.  When I finally left I wondered if it was allowed to have that much fun at work.  It was a great day, but I tried still not to put too much hope in getting the job.
I didn't have to think about it or worry about it for long because Dr. Omana called me in the evening and offered me the job.  I am so excited.  The staff there are SO fun and it is going to be a significant increase in my hours.
I feel a huge relief and I haven't even started yet.  First thing's first, I have to quit my job with Dr. S. on Monday.  I hate quitting, but I don't have a choice.  This is a no-brainer.
:)

Saturday I went climbing with some friends. I’ve only been twice before, and both experiences were more than five years ago. On each occasion I only did one climb because of fear. This time I was excited and thrilled to be doing something active again.
As we finished the required instruction, on belaying technique, I remained tied in to climb first. The person working the belaying tool pulls the slack of the rope through the device as the climber ascends to secure them. If they were to fall, they would be supported with their weight counter balanced by that of the person belaying on the ground below.
One of the guys in the group said to me, “Are you going to trust this guy with your life?” referring to my friend who would be belaying for me. It wasn’t a big deal, we were all friends. I trusted them all.
Then while I climbed, I was lost in thought about this trust that was involved in the sport, and how it is so similar to the trust we must place in our Heavenly Father and Savior Jesus Christ during our life. In the beginning of our assent we are very determined, energetic, and excited for the challenge that stands before us. We start with confidence and don’t always give direct thought to who supports us. As we continue on, searching for a route to get us to our destination, we are faced with certain obstacles; a hand or foot hold that is just out of our reach or a grip that is not quite as supportive as we might hope, and will require more effort and strength on our part.
Just like in life, we are supported in each step we take. We reach for our desires, we stretch for our wants, and we strain for our needs. We do not always obtain each goal as we would hope, and sometimes must find another way upward. Still, we are always supported.
The terrain can change and slope out more horizontally, requiring us to exert more energy to pull against gravity, or the natural man, that would cause us to fall. Yet still, we can trust in the support we are given. With planning and preparation, we can condition ourselves for each obstacle. Just as we would condition our bodies, we can condition our spirits and testimonies. We can increase our strength for those difficult moments. However, whether we are weak or strong as we face the challenge of life, we are still supported.
It is easy to let our hearts be filled with fear. We can allow that fear to overcome us and cause us immobility, forcing us to cling to the wall, too worried to move in any direction. Or we can move about freely, reaching for any goal we desire, partaking of each blessing that awaits us. We naturally look for His support more often during those trying moments, than we do when everything seems easy. By holding faith in our hearts and our minds, even at those moments when we feel tired and our strength is gone, and we tremble from fatigue, and we wonder who will hear our cries, we will find peace in knowing and trusting that He is still there. He will always be there and will hold us in his love.
Some of life’s challenges and obstacles are severe enough that we will slip or even fall. But He stands beside us and holds us tight. It might take some time to recover from a fall. We may need to rest and find strength to continue. It might take hard work to get back on the wall, but we can trust in Him. We can trust in the strength and support He gives us. He has given all His strength and all His love to hold us, support us, and lift us from our fall.
Once we regain our stance on our journey, we continue on in faith from that same place from where we slipped. As if we did not fall at all, we loose no ground, only time. But He holds us always, giving us each the opportunity to reach the top.
He will never let us go, and if we put our faith in Him we can be lifted up.

I hate it when I miss an office memo.

This December was the annual performance of Handel’s Messiah. I sang the same solo as I did last year, He Shall Feed His Flock Like A Shepherd, but I felt like I had more help then than now.
In addition to the help of the Spirit, last year I also had a voice coach who worked with me each week on every detail of the piece. This year, even though it was the same song, I felt doubtful of myself because I didn’t have a second opinion. I’m not sure why I needed one. I felt blessed to have the opportunity to participate and was excited to have been chosen for the solo. Unfortunately, I also battled sickness this year; a cold, then a sinus infection, then another cold. When it was finally time to perform, I worried because my practice time had been so minimal.
As I rushed to get ready that night, I felt frazzled and even afraid. I turned to my bed and fell to my knees. I cried out in gratitude for this opportunity and pleaded that the Spirit might speak through me—that even one person might be touched. I recognized my unworthiness, but asked that I might just for a moment be an instrument and testify through my song.
The concert moved swiftly. I felt more excitement than fear, but struggled to focus. I kept losing my place in the choral numbers, and sang the wrong words here and there. I wasn’t worried though, for some reason I still felt calm. Other performers also struggled and stumbled through numbers, even the soloists.
When I moved to the other side of the stage where I would perform my solo, I sat at the edge of the auditorium to wait while another soloist sang on the soprano side. I would sing just after her so I tried to focus on my song but couldn’t help but notice how she struggled. Almost as if I expected fear to sweep over me, I took a deep breath to brace myself. At that moment, it was not fear I felt, but a strengthening in my heart. I was filled with peace. I knew I was not alone. I stood to sing and still expected my knees to start knocking, but they didn’t. I thought my hands would tremble, and they didn’t. I tried to swallow, and I couldn’t. For one brief second I wanted to panic. I could not swallow. The music was started. Still I could not swallow. My part was approaching, just a few measures away, and I could not swallow. Then as if a gentle arm embraced me, and whispered “Remember”, I was filled with that peace once again. It filled deep into my soul, and as quickly as a thought, I relaxed, swallowed, and began singing.
The music flowed from my lips. So perfectly that even I wondered, “Is that me?” I was so comfortable that the message I sang was my only focus…
“Then shall the eyes of the blind be opened,
And the ears of the deaf unstopped.
Then shall the lame man leap as an heart,
And the tongue of the dumb shall sing

He shall feed His flock like a Shepherd
And carry them in His bosom.
And gently lead those that are with young.”
I knew Him as my shepherd. I know Him now. He does lead us—He leads me. He carries me, and He comforts me when I have gone astray.
It was clear to me as I sang there on that stage that the Spirit was speaking through me. Perhaps mine was the only soul that was touched. Perhaps mine was the only heart that heard. But one was enough.
When I finished my part, I stood quietly for the soprano solo that finishes the song. This same sweet love still filled me. It was a calming and peaceful love. The words of the oratorio rang in my heart as the soprano sang,
“Come unto Him all ye that labour,
And He shall give you rest.”
I know I, and everyone, can find rest in Christ. I felt it there on that stage. Tears welled up in my eyes and I was engulfed in my Heavenly Father’s love. I blinked them away tenderly, and smiled gently as the song was finishing.
What an amazing experience! What a blessing to participate and be given such a sweet and wonderful witness of His love for us—for me. I am so grateful.
I know that I am not lost. I know He knows me and loves me. He waited with open arms and now through Christ I can be taken up again in the Spirit and be made whole.